Celebrating Life

Tonight for family night we blew bubbles up to Cordelia while each mentioning a way she has blessed our lives. Then we read a new book: What Happens when People Die?? It seemed more specifically geared to our Latter-Day Saint religious views than some of the others we've read. I think Billy especially appreciates the discussions we have about our spirit and body, etc. Since I'm sure there are several books with that title here is the one, if you're interested: Sadly, I think pretty much all children are confronted with death at some point and we've found many books helpful for the boys' grieving (and mine too!).

http://www.amazon.com/What-Happens-When-People-Die/dp/1606411144/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1316482828&sr=8-1

And since no post is complete without photos:

We miss you, baby girl.

Whew, it's been too long.

I'm not sure I can say I'm "glad" to be back because if not for the events of Cordelia's birth and death I'd be too busy with an infant and sleep deprivation to worry about updating this blog. And I won't claim that I've found my new inner bloggerness or that this blog will be updated regularly. However, for now, I've given in to the urge to blog. I'm not even really sure what to say. Except today makes it 4 months since our lives changed forever and our sweet daughter went to heaven. I have many friends who are interested in truly knowing how I feel and knowing as much about Cordelia's short life as I'm willing to share at that moment. To those friends I say thank you. Thank you for letting me talk about her the way I'm "allowed", the way that is socially acceptable, to talk about her older brothers. Thank you for speaking her name and acknowledging that she came to our family and left much, much too soon. Thank you for remembering anniversaries and sending e-mails and texts just to let me know you she is in your heart too. I'm often asked if it hurts when others bring her up. No. Feeling ignored hurts. There is not one day that goes by that I'm not already thinking about her and if I cry as you mention her name, it is probably in gratefulness that you care.

I also realize that many other people would rather not know. I accept that. I wish this wasn't how my life played out either and that none of them, or anyone for that matter, EVER have to know the pain of losing a child. I sure wish I didn't. So, you've been warned. I'll probably have angry posts and happy posts and everything in-between. This blog started as a way to chronicle raising my children. And it will continue to be that. The journey of being a mom to all three of my beautiful babies. 

My life has been forever changed and here is what it is. Today. Here and Now. Because, really, this moment is all we're guaranteed.